i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Randomize
