Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
