just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I think I just sharted jello shots
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