I wish I could teleport
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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