Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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