we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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