Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Randomize
