Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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