i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
