The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
