No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Randomize
