I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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