thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
