They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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