he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
