I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Randomize
