just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
