please come you make the beer taste better
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
