also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Randomize
