he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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