Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Randomize
