u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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