The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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