I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
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the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
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I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Come on in and take your pants off
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