I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
