I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize