i just wanna soil my oats bro
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
