note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
