you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
So many bounce houses so little time
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
