By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Randomize
