I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
