My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Randomize
