I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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