no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Randomize
