found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
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