We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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