Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
