i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
