the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
they're like a gay fantastic four
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
