If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Randomize
