with your own penis?
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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