Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
