We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
