He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
