remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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