he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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