You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
