he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
