Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize