I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Randomize
