Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Can i not drive my cunt home
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
