as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
