Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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