I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
