Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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