no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
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