I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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