is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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