I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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