You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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