is your mom at the bar?
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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