Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
When did angry sex become our thing?
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
