she was so not down for the gang bang
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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