the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
