Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
