we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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