My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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