I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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