I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Randomize
