"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
